addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i was born a porn star she said
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
