Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize