if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize