I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
