Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
