Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
