im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize