i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
