Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize