i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Houston, we have a squirter
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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