I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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