oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
