how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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