i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
