Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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