I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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