I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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