this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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