I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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