guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
