He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
