She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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