dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
