he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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