You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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