I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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