His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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