On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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