i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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