Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
