if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
What a dumb baby whore.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
