i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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