her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
