im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
