i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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