whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
