its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
