Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
