hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
