Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
