What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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