I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize