whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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