So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
areolas are like halos for boobs.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
