And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
