Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
