What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
