So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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