I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
