Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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