I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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