I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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