ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
