She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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