that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
