The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
