every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
