She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
