Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
