it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
