It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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