But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
