i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
