I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
