3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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