i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
