The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
