You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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