OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Someone shattered a urinal.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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