just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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