yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
