As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize